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Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
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How to Have Fun Again After Narcissistic Abuse

How to Have Fun Again After Narcissistic Abuse
By Vikki

Fun didn’t disappear — it just went into hiding

After narcissistic abuse, “fun” can feel suspicious. Like it’s a trick. Or something you’re not allowed to have yet because you haven’t finished processing 47 emotional TED Talks inside your own head.

Here’s the truth no one tells you: you don’t heal by analysing forever — you heal by living again.

Step 1: Find your crowd (not a crowd)

You do not need lots of people. You need your people.

The ones who:

  • Don’t drain you
  • Don’t interrogate your past
  • Don’t make everything about themselves
  • Let you laugh without over-explaining

This might be two people. It might be one. It might be a random group you meet through something fun and low-stakes.

Quality beats quantity. Always.

Step 2: Stick with them

Narcissistic abuse trains you to: second-guess, overthink, and assume you’re “too much” or “not enough.”

When you find people who feel easy — stay. Don’t self-sabotage. Don’t disappear. Don’t convince yourself it’s unsafe just because it’s unfamiliar.

Calm, fun, respectful connections can feel boring at first. That’s not boredom. That’s your nervous system unclenching.

Step 3: Let negativity bounce off you

Here’s a powerful upgrade: you no longer need to engage.

If negative people appear — and they will — you don’t argue, defend, explain, or correct the record.

You:

  • Laugh it off
  • Mentally shrug
  • Physically walk away

Peace is not found in winning conversations. It’s found in leaving them.

Step 4: Redefine fun

Fun doesn’t have to mean chaos, intensity, or emotional fireworks. That was the old conditioning.

Fun now might look like:

  • Laughing without bracing for backlash
  • Being yourself without performing
  • Doing something silly without consequences
  • Feeling safe enough to relax

That is fun. It just doesn’t come with a hangover or an apology text.

Final reminder

You survived something that rewired your nervous system. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to rush.

Find your people. Stick with them. Let negativity slide past like background noise.

And when someone tries to drag you back into drama? Smile. Laugh. Walk away.

That’s not avoidance. That’s healing with boundaries.

Keywords: narcissistic abuse recovery, having fun again, healing after abuse, boundaries, finding your people, nervous system healing, emotional safety, confidence, self worth, personal growth, Vikki
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