Why Narcissists Try to Steal Your Joy (And How to Keep It)
Why Narcissists Try to Steal Your Joy (And How to Keep It)
By Vikki • Updated 18 November 2025
Narcissists don’t just hate happiness — they fear it.
And if you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you already know this truth in your bones:
Narcissists steal joy the same way they steal attention, empathy, and peace — slowly, subtly, and with the sole intention of keeping you emotionally small.
This post is for daughters of narcissistic mothers who still feel guilty for being happy. Let’s break that bullshit spell today.
Why Narcissists Try to Steal Your Joy
1. Joy is freedom — and they hate when you're free
Your happiness makes you harder to control. They can’t stand that.
2. Joy comes from inside you — not from them
Narcissists hate anything they can’t take credit for.
3. Joy exposes their emptiness
Your smile highlights their lack of one.
4. Joy makes you stronger
A joyful daughter becomes a powerful daughter — and power threatens them.
Why Your Happiness Threatens a Narcissistic Mother
Because if you’re happy, she can’t:
- guilt you
- shame you
- control you
- emotionally feed on you
- keep you small enough to manage
Your joy reminds her of her failure as a mother
A healthy mother wants her daughter to bloom. A narcissistic mother wants her daughter to stay emotionally stunt-sized.
How Narcissistic Mothers Kill Joy
1. Mocking your excitement
“Calm down.” “You’re being dramatic.” “It’s not that big of a deal.”
2. Minimising your accomplishments
“Anyone could do that.” “I did better at your age.”
3. Creating drama whenever you’re happy
Every celebration becomes a crisis because your joy shifts the spotlight away from her.
4. Punishing you for smiling
Silent treatment, guilt trips, coldness — joy was dangerous in your childhood home.
5. Making you responsible for her feelings
“How can you be happy when I feel this way?”
How This Affects Daughters in Adulthood
Growing up with a joy-killing mother shapes you in ways you don’t even realise.
1. You feel guilty being happy
Because happiness = punishment in childhood.
2. You subconsciously sabotage good things
Because joy was always followed by backlash.
3. You’re more comfortable in chaos than peace
Peace feels unfamiliar. Chaos feels normal.
4. You pick partners who mirror her
Your nervous system is wired for emotional instability.
5. You dim your personality
Your mother taught you that shining is dangerous.
How to Keep Your Joy (And Stop Letting Her Take It)
1. Stop sharing good news with her
Protect your wins. She doesn’t deserve VIP access to your happiness.
2. Celebrate yourself loudly and unapologetically
Your joy is not a threat — it’s a declaration of survival.
3. Create a “joy bubble”
People who support your happiness belong inside it. She does not.
4. Break the belief that joy = danger
This was programmed into you. It is a lie.
5. Build a life that prioritises joy over obligation
Your life is not a shrine to her emotions anymore.
Your Next Step
Your joy is your rebellion. Your happiness is your healing. And every time you laugh, thrive, rise, and smile — you break the cycle she tried to trap you in.
FAQs
Do narcissists really hate joy?
Yes — because joy gives you independence.
Why does my mother ruin every happy moment?
Because happiness removes her control over you.
Why do I feel guilty when I’m happy?
You were conditioned to associate joy with punishment.
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