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Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
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Why Closure Is a Scam (And How to Heal Without It)

Why Closure Is a Scam (And How to Heal Without It)

Why ‘Closure’ Is a Scam (And How to Heal Without It)

Ah yes. Closure. The magical fairy dust ending you think will make the heartbreak stop hurting.

You imagine they’ll come back with a TED Talk–level apology:

  • “I’m sorry I traumatised you.”
  • “You were always the one.”
  • “I finally realise how badly I treated you.”
  • “Here is a 12-page explanation of all my behaviour.”

But here’s the problem:

The person who hurt you isn’t suddenly going to become emotionally literate enough to heal you.

And waiting for that moment is keeping you stuck in a pain-loop from hell.

So let’s talk about it. The brutal, hilarious, healing truth.

🔥 Closure Is a Scam Because You’re Expecting Accountability From Someone Who Has None

You think closure will come from a mature, self-aware conversation.

But baby…

The person you’re hoping closure from is the SAME PERSON who:

  • couldn’t communicate,
  • couldn’t apologise,
  • couldn’t text back,
  • couldn’t commit,
  • couldn’t respect you,
  • couldn’t meet your needs,
  • and couldn’t treat you like a human being.

But suddenly you think they’re going to turn into Oprah and offer emotional wisdom?

Absolutely not.

If they were capable of giving closure, you wouldn’t need closure.

🔥 Closure Is a Scam Because You Want the Pain to Make Sense

Closure isn’t about them. It’s about your brain trying to tie the trauma into a neat little bow.

You want:

  • A reason.
  • A why.
  • A logic.
  • An explanation that makes the pain feel less stupid and less like a waste of time.

But the truth is:

There is no logical reason for why they did what they did.

People who are emotionally damaged behave in emotionally damaging ways.

Not because of you, but because of them.

Closure is you trying to rewrite history so it hurts less.

But pain doesn’t shrink with explanations. It shrinks with acceptance.

🔥 Closure Is a Scam Because You’re Hoping They’ll Validate Your Worth

Let’s be painfully honest:

Sometimes we want closure because we want them to say:

  • “You were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
  • “I messed up.”
  • “You deserved better.”
  • “I should never have treated you that way.”

You want validation. You want reassurance. You want proof that you weren’t crazy, dramatic, needy, or too much.

You want them to confirm that your pain was real.

But tell me this:

Why would you trust validation from someone who invalidated you the entire time?

If they couldn’t respect you then, they sure as hell won’t respect you now.

🔥 Closure Is a Scam Because You’re Waiting for the Person Who Broke You to Fix You

This is the harshest truth of all:

You want closure from the same person who caused the wound.

That’s like asking the thief who robbed you to help you find your wallet.

It makes no sense. Your pain is valid — your strategy is the problem.

🔥 Closure Rarely Comes From Them — It Comes From You

Here’s the truth that will save your sanity:

You don’t need closure from THEM. You need closure from YOU.

You give yourself the ending. You decide the story is over. You learn the lesson. You choose yourself. You walk away emotionally, not just physically.

That’s closure.

🔥 So How Do You Heal Without Closure?

In the most blunt, healing way possible:

1. Accept the Story Exactly As It Was

Not the fantasy. Not the potential. Not the “if things were different” version.

The truth.

2. Stop Waiting for an Apology You Will Never Get

If they were capable of genuine remorse, you wouldn’t be here reading this.

3. Detach From the Version of Them You Created

You didn’t fall for who they WERE. You fell for who they PRETENDED to be.

4. Break the Trauma Bond

This is why you still crave closure — your nervous system is trying to detox.

For this, my book Sober Not Sorry hits HARD. Because toxic people work like addiction.

5. Build Emotional Closure Through Self-Respect

Your new truth:

“I don’t need answers from someone who couldn’t even give me basic honesty.”

Every time you choose yourself, you close the door a little more.

🔥 The Real Closure Moment

The real closure moment won’t be dramatic. It won’t be cinematic. There won’t be music playing.

One day you’ll wake up, breathe, stretch, scroll your phone, drink your morning tea, and suddenly realise…

You don’t care anymore.

No anger. No longing. No obsession. Just peace.

THAT is closure. And it comes from YOU.

You didn’t need them then. You don’t need them now. You sure as hell don’t need their closure.

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