“I Love Being Healthy… And Watching Everyone Else Eat Crap Is Hilarious (And a Bit Tragic)”

90% of supermarkets are junk, 10% is real food, and yes, I judge the person who buys a family-sized chocolate bar… loudly.

I love being healthy. I really do. I love kale smoothies, my occasional yoga fail, and feeling like a human battery instead of a soggy marshmallow. But let me tell you, watching everyone else eat crap is pure comedy gold… and slightly infuriating.

Take supermarkets, for example. Have you noticed that 90% of the aisles are basically ultra-processed food hell, and only 10% is actual food that doesn’t come with a “may contain 72 mystery ingredients” label? I mean, where else can you find a family-sized chocolate bar right next to “organic kale” and a tub of hummus, just daring you to pick the chocolate?

I swear I’ve seen grown adults spend 20 minutes staring at the crisps aisle like it’s the Mona Lisa. And then they go home and wonder why they feel bloated, tired, and vaguely guilty at 3 PM. Buddy, I saw you. You know what you did.

And the funny thing? Eating healthy is not difficult. You don’t need a personal chef, a gold-plated blender, or a motivational chant in Latin. Slice a tomato. Boil an egg. Add some spinach. Congratulations, you’re basically a nutrition wizard. Yet somehow, that feels revolutionary to most people.

I remember the other day I was making a simple salad and my friend said, “Wow, you eat healthy all the time, don’t you?” And I replied, “No, I just occasionally survive the apocalypse of the snack aisle without buying the entire bakery section.”

But here’s the truth: I love being healthy because it makes me feel good, energetic, and less like a zombie from a sugar coma. And while I sometimes quietly (or not-so-quietly) judge the person eating a microwave pizza at 9 AM, I also laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

At the end of the day, I’m not here to lecture anyone — I just get to live my life, fuel my body the way it deserves, and enjoy the mental clarity that comes with it. And let’s be honest, there’s something genuinely hilarious about watching someone struggle to choose between a salad and a donut like it’s a life-or-death decision.

So yes, I love being healthy. And yes, it’s funny (and a little tragic) watching everyone else eat crap. But hey, at least I get to have a laugh, and maybe a side salad.