If Someone’s Charming — But You Feel Drained: What Dr. George K. Simon Discovered
If Someone’s Charming — But You Feel Drained: What Dr. George K. Simon Discovered
By Vikki — A concise guide to covert manipulation, character disturbance, and how to protect your energy.
Dr. George K. Simon Jr. has spent more than four decades studying manipulative personalities and character disturbance. Long before terms like “gaslighting” entered everyday language, Simon was documenting the subtle, strategic tactics manipulators use — tactics that leave victims doubting themselves while the aggressor stays above suspicion. [oai_citation:0‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
What he called “covert aggression”
One of Simon’s foundational contributions is the concept of covert aggression: a form of aggression that’s hidden under a mask of reasonableness, charm, or concern. Unlike overt hostility, covert aggression is designed to be invisible to outsiders while still gaining control or advantage over the victim. This explains why people often feel “crazy” or confused after encounters with manipulators. [oai_citation:1‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/covert-aggressives-manipulative-wolves-in-sheeps-clothing/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
Character disturbance — a spectrum, not just labels
Simon emphasises looking at behaviour over diagnostic labels. He frames many manipulative people as having “character disturbance” — a spectrum of entrenched, manipulative patterns that harm relationships and community life. Rather than getting stuck on a diagnosis (NPD, ASPD, etc.), Simon urges observers to note patterns of lying, deceit, boundary-testing, rationalisation, and covert intimidation. Recognising behaviour is more practical and protective than arguing about labels. [oai_citation:2‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/books/character-disturbance/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
Common tactics he described
Across his books and articles, Simon catalogues tactics manipulators commonly use: selective inattention, minimising or denying, projection, guilt-tripping, diversion, and strategic charm. These tactics are chosen for their effectiveness: they confuse victims, erode confidence, and make resistance harder to sustain. Simon’s work includes clinical examples and clear, behaviour-focused descriptions so readers can recognise the pattern. [oai_citation:3‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/manipulation-tactics-a-closer-look/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
Practical takeaways — what to do
- Trust your observations. If you regularly feel drained, second-guessing, or as if you’re “walking on eggshells,” that feeling is data — not drama. [oai_citation:4‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/books/in-sheeps-clothing/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
- Focus on behaviour, not explanations. What someone does is more important than what they claim to feel or intend. [oai_citation:5‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/books/character-disturbance/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
- Set and keep firm boundaries. Manipulators will test limits; consistent consequences protect you. [oai_citation:6‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/manipulation-tactics-a-closer-look/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
- Reality-check with trusted others. Outside perspectives help dismantle the confusion manipulators cultivate. [oai_citation:7‡The Mentors Radio](https://thementorsradio.com/dr-george-simon-on-how-to-recognize-and-defeat-manipulators/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
Why his work matters
Simon’s research bridges clinical psychology and everyday experience. By naming covert tactics and describing predictable patterns, he gives people concrete tools for recognising manipulation and reclaiming agency. His books — especially In Sheep’s Clothing and Character Disturbance — remain widely used by clinicians and readers who want to understand toxic relational dynamics. [oai_citation:8‡Character Matters](https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/books/in-sheeps-clothing/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
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