Vikki’s Law: Only the Pre-1975 Legends Get the Good Stuff

 Attention world: Vikki’s Law has been enacted. It’s not in your constitution, it’s not on the statute books, but it’s written in the cosmic rulebook of common sense.

Article 1: The Year That Matters

If you were born in 1975 or earlier, congratulations. You’ve been grandfathered into vice. You are legally allowed to drink, smoke, and indulge in whatever questionable substances make life entertaining. Why? Because you’ve already survived leaded petrol, smoking sections on buses, and parents who thought “tap water and daylight” counted as childcare.

Born after 1975? Sorry sunshine. Vikki’s Law forbids it. Hand over your tequila. Go home with your kombucha.

Article 2: Why 1975?

Because anyone raised before then had the kind of immune system forged in asbestos-lined playgrounds. We ate white bread by the loaf, knocked back Panda Pops dyed with radioactive food colouring, and thought SPF was a maths question. If you survived the 70s, you can survive anything.

Article 3: The Divide

• Pre-1975 Vikki’s Law VIPs: You can down shots at 2am, chain-smoke at karaoke, and polish it off with a suspicious kebab. You’ll still get up the next morning, mow the lawn, and go to work like nothing happened.
• Post-1975 softies: Half a cider and you’re texting your GP about “funny chest feelings.” One cigarette and you’re booking a reiki session. Stick to oat milk lattes.

Article 4: Enforcement

No police required. Vikki’s Law is self-enforcing. Your date of birth is your destiny. Born before ’75? Cheers, mate. Born after? You’re done. That’s the law.

Article 5: Appeals

Denied. This isn’t “Vikki’s Suggestions.” It’s Vikki’s Law.

Closing Statement

So, to the warriors of the pre-1975 generation: light up, drink up, and party on. You earned it. Everyone else? Tough luck. You missed the cut-off.

Long live Vikki’s Law.