Welcome to the Apocalypse: Food Warehouse Edition

 I walked into Food Warehouse today with big dreams. You know, the kind where you imagine stocking up like a responsible adult, maybe even pretending you’re the sort of person who meal-preps quinoa salads and alphabetises the spice rack.

Instead? Fuck all.

Every aisle was wall-to-wall processed crap. Coated, breaded, deep-fried, smothered-in-cheese, “microwave-in-3-minutes” crap. Apparently, the food groups now are:

1. Things that come in beige.
2. Things that come in beige but crunchy.
3. Things that trick you into thinking they’re chicken but could honestly be anything.

The only edible things I could find? A bunch of grapes, some broccoli, and… Lenor. Yes, fabric softener. Nothing says balanced diet like accidentally pairing grapes with laundry.

It hit me right there in aisle six: eating healthy in a place like this is basically a Hunger Games challenge. And women? We’ve been playing the Hunger Games forever. Except instead of bow and arrow, our weapons are sarcasm, resilience, and pretending we actually like sparkling water.

But here’s the thing: when life offers you broccoli, grapes, and Lenor — you laugh. Because that’s all you can do. Funny women survive by turning the shit-show into a punchline. That’s our superpower.

So yeah, I didn’t leave with a trolley full of organic kale and ethically sourced tofu. I left with grapes, broccoli, and the softest-smelling laundry in town. And honestly? That feels like a win.