Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
Budgeting After Narcissistic Abuse: How to Take Back Your Money Mojo
Escaping a narcissist is one thing. Escaping the financial chaos they left you in? Whole different beast. If you’ve been love-bombed, gaslit, and financially controlled, chances are your money mojo took a serious beating.
But here’s the truth: you can take it back. No matter if you’re in the UK, the US, or anywhere else in the world – rebuilding your finances after narcissistic abuse is possible. And it starts with a budget that’s yours, not theirs.
Why Narcissists Wreck Your Finances
Narcissists don’t just mess with your head; they mess with your wallet. Common financial abuse tactics include:
Control – putting everything in their name, “forgetting” to give you access.
Sabotage – running up debt in your name, stealing your savings.
Dependence – making you feel like you can’t survive without their money.
Sound familiar? Yeah. But now that you’re free, it’s time to flip the script.
Step 1: Get Clear on Your Numbers
Grab a notebook or a spreadsheet (Excel, Google Sheets, or even a budgeting app). Write down:
Income – salary, benefits, child support, side hustles.
Debts – loans, credit cards, anything lurking in the shadows.
In the UK? Log into your Experian or ClearScore account to check your credit file. In the US or worldwide, use your free annual credit report. Knowledge is power – and this is your financial truth.
Step 2: Build a “Freedom Fund”
Forget calling it an “emergency fund” – you need a screw-you fund. This is money that’s 100% yours, no one else touches it.
Start with £5 / $5 a week if that’s all you can spare.
Open a separate savings account – in the UK, try a high-interest easy-access saver (Monzo, Chase, or Nationwide).
Watch it grow. Slowly but surely, that’s your financial armour.
Step 3: Budget for Healing and Living
Your budget isn’t punishment – it’s power. Give every pound, dollar, or euro a job. That includes money for joy, self-care, and recovery.
Rent & bills = survival
Savings = freedom
Self-care = sanity
Because you don’t just deserve to survive. You deserve to feel fucking amazing.
Step 4: Side Hustle Smart
If your main income isn’t enough, add streams that don’t drain you. Think:
Selling on Vinted / eBay
Freelance work on Fiverr or Upwork
Remote bookkeeping (if you’ve got number skills)
Creative gigs – print-on-demand, Etsy, or teaching online
Pick something light, flexible, and within your control.
Step 5: Rewrite Your Money Story
Here’s the mindset shift: you are no longer the person who got financially abused. You are the badass who survived it. Tracking your cumulative income (total money earned so far) is proof you’re moving forward. Every penny you earn now is a step away from the past and towards your freedom.
Take the Next Step
Budgeting after narcissistic abuse isn’t just about money. It’s about healing, power, and taking back your life.
If you’re ready to go deeper, grab my book How to Build Wealth on a Low Income. It’s packed with straight-talking, no-BS strategies to help you grow your money – even if you’re starting from rock bottom. Only £1.99 to help you out
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