Some People Just Can’t Love – And That’s Not Your Fault

 I grew up with a mother who never really saw me.

Not as a baby.

Not as a child.

Not even now.

She never helped me. Never protected me. Never said, “Let’s go do something nice,” the way mums are supposed to. I wasn’t comforted in her arms. I wasn’t nurtured. I wasn’t chosen.

I was raised by my gran. She did what she could, but there’s a space only a mother should fill — and mine left it empty.

I tried to end my life once, just to escape her. That’s the kind of weight she brought into my world. The kind of pain that sticks in your bones. And people don’t talk about it enough — about how not all mothers are nurturing, and how that can shatter your entire foundation before you’ve even begun.

But here’s the thing I’ve come to realise, and maybe you need to hear it too:

It wasn’t your fault.

Some people are just incapable of love.

Too broken.

Too selfish.

Too emotionally stunted to give what they never had or never wanted to give.

And when you’re the child of someone like that, you end up spending your life wondering:

Why didn’t she love me? Why wasn’t I enough?

But you were enough.

You are enough.

She just wasn’t capable. That’s on her — not you.

You see these normal mother-daughter moments — a simple lunch, a shopping trip, a warm hand on a shoulder — and you think:

That should have been mine.

And you’re right. It should have been.

And it’s okay to grieve that.

It’s okay to feel it deeply.

It’s okay to say, I didn’t get what I needed growing up, and that hurts like hell.

But here’s the light:

If you’re here, reading this, feeling this — it means you’ve survived.

Even when no one showed up for you, you showed up for yourself.

That’s strength. That’s resilience. That’s pure, raw courage.

And maybe you have a daughter now.

And maybe you look at her and think, I’ll never treat her like that. I’ll never make her feel invisible.

That, right there, is the cycle breaking.

That’s you becoming the woman you needed — for yourself and for her.

You didn’t get love the way you deserved.

But you are love now.

You’re the proof that pain can become power.

You’re the reason someone else will feel safe, seen, and chosen.

So if no one ever told you this before, let me say it now — and let it soak into your soul:

You deserved better.

You did nothing wrong.

You are good. You are lovable. You are more than enough.

And you’re allowed to build a life so beautiful it makes the past irrelevant.

Keep going. You’re doing better than you think. 💛