🎬 NARCISSISTS GONE WILD

A Totally True Sitcom Based on Real-Life Dysfunction (You Honestly Can’t Make This Shit Up)

Viewer discretion, popcorn, and holy shit moments advised.

👩‍👧 EPISODE 1: 

The Disappearing Doula

So, you just had a baby. You’re exhausted, bleeding, leaky, and your hormones are throwing a rave. Your mum says, “I’ll come help for a whole week, love. You’ll need me.”

She lasts one hour.

One.

Hour.

And she doesn’t even pretend to try. She walks in, surveys the scene like she’s judging Bake Off, then mysteriously develops a “headache” and has to leave immediately. No bags unpacked. No nappies changed. No cuddles for baby. She peaces out like a Netflix character that got killed off mid-season.

🍦 EPISODE 2: 

The Ice Cream Queen of Narcville

It’s the Queen’s Jubilee. The streets are full of bunting, smiling neighbours, and tables stacked with free food and drinks. The whole village is doing their best impression of wholesome British cheer.

Enter your mum.

She sets up her own stall… and charges money.

Not only that — the ice cream is out of date.

Not only THAT — the tubs are half-empty.

So while everyone else is handing out fairy cakes and lemonade like it’s 1952, she’s over there charging £2.50 for a lukewarm scoop of salmonella swirl. And when you point out the audacity? She gets angry. At you. For ruining her “business.”

🚗 EPISODE 3: 

Car Wars: Narc Edition

You buy a white Mercedes. Feeling proud. Independent. Glowing-up vibes.

She buys a white Jaguar.

You get a dog.

She gets a dog.

You breathe in oxygen.

She tries to out-breathe you.

Narcissists don’t have a personality — they just have copy-paste. It’s less “inspiration” and more desperation dressed as competition. Your entire life becomes a Pinterest board for their ego.

😒 EPISODE 4: 

The Miserable C-Word Chronicles

You’re laughing. Glowing. Living your life like a cherry bomb of joy. Your brother and mum? They look like they’re auditioning for a gritty Scandi-noir drama.

You: “Isn’t this funny?? HAHAHA!”

Them: judgmental blink

You: “Right… okay then.”

No one’s allowed to be happy unless they’re happy first — which, spoiler alert: never happens.

🕶️ EPISODE 5: 

Choose Your Fighter (But It’s Always Mum)

Your brother’s ex once said: “It’s me or your mum.”

He picked… their mum.

Fast-forward a decade. You and the ex-wife are now drinking tea and laughing over how bonkers it all was, while your mum’s still fuming about an ice cream incident from 10 years ago. Honestly, the woman holds grudges like they’re designer handbags.

🔍 EPISODE 6: 

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss

You mention to your mum you’ve been chatting to your brother.

She goes: “I doubt that very much.”

Like you’re reporting UFO sightings or speaking to the dead.

Apparently in narcissist logic, if she didn’t see it or approve it, it didn’t happen. We’re talking full-blown denial with a side of gaslight gravy.

📺 FINAL SCENE: 

Everyone Deserves Love (Except Narcissists)

This sitcom isn’t just for laughs — it’s a survival guide wrapped in satire. For everyone out there who grew up in a family where guilt was served as dessert and boundaries were “disrespectful”…

You’re not crazy.

You’re not overreacting.

And yes — this shit really happens.

We laugh because it’s too ridiculous not to.

We write because we’re done carrying the weight.

We share because it breaks the cycle.