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Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
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Narcissistic Parents Delete Your Childhood Because You’re Always in Survival Mode

I’ve spent years wondering why my childhood feels like a giant black hole. No warm memories, no happy family moments, no stories I wanted to tell. Just… blankness. And when you’ve been raised by a narcissistic, unloving parent, that’s not a coincidence. That’s survival mode.


When your parent criticises you constantly, picks you apart, controls you, judges your every movement—your brain isn’t making happy memories. It’s too busy trying to survive the day.


I couldn’t remember my childhood because there was nothing there to remember. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t joyful. My brain didn’t get to relax or play or soak in the good things, because there weren’t any.


How are you supposed to “cherish childhood memories” when you grew up in constant fight-or-flight? When you were just trying to dodge emotional landmines every day? When you literally had to nag your own mother for a month to take you to hospital while you walked around with a broken leg? That’s not childhood. That’s neglect survival mode.


Everything was about avoiding drama, avoiding being blamed, avoiding punishment. There were no lazy Sunday mornings, no bedtime cuddles, no moments where you felt fully loved or fully seen. Just constant stress.


If this hits you in the chest—you’re not broken. You’re not forgetful. You were forced to disconnect to protect yourself. You didn’t have good times to remember because you were trapped in survival mode, trying to stay afloat while the very person who should have protected you kept wounding you instead.


I’m starting to realise I don’t have to force myself to remember the “good” parts if they didn’t exist. I’m focusing on creating new memories now—ones where I feel safe, loved, and calm in my own life.


If you relate to this, you are not alone. You didn’t “just have a bad childhood”—you survived a war zone with no one to shield you. And now, you get to heal.


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