I’m So Done with Toddler Narcissists (Where’s the Nappy Bin?)

I swear, if one more adult throws a tantrum because someone dared to have boundaries, I’m going to start carrying wet wipes and a time-out mat.

Let’s talk about it. Toddler narcissists. You know the type:

• Grown human.
• Chronological age? 47.
• Emotional age? About 2½, just before naptime.

👶 The Warning Signs Are Always There:

• You say “no,” they say “you’re attacking me.”
• You disagree, they puff up like a furious little pigeon.
• You try to exit gracefully and they chase you down with a monologue titled “Why I’m Right and You’re Satan.”

Honestly, these people belong in the soft play area — with padded walls and a juice box.

🍼 Conversations with Them Are Like:

You: “I’m not comfortable with that.”

Them: “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!”

You: “I didn’t do anything, Darren.”

Them: “You literally breathed in my direction!”

The mental gymnastics. The emotional blackmail. The 14-paragraph WhatsApp essays because you didn’t respond in 3 minutes.

Sir. Ma’am. Please. Touch grass.

🔥 What They Hate Most?

You staying calm.

You not explaining yourself.

You not begging for forgiveness because you didn’t attend their one-man stage play about their ego.

Toddler narcissists need fuel. And your frustration is their Capri Sun.

🧠 My New Strategy:

• I imagine them in a baby grow.
• I hear the Peppa Pig theme when they talk.
• I silently hum Twinkle Twinkle Little Star while they monologue about how unfair life is.

It keeps me sane.

And if they go full meltdown?

I whisper: “Somebody needs a nap-nap.”

And walk the hell away.

💅 Final Thoughts:

You are not a therapist.

You are not their mummy.

You are not the tantrum-soother.

You’re a grown-ass adult with things to do, peace to keep, and zero tolerance for sticky emotional hands all over your boundaries.

So the next time a toddler narcissist wobbles up to your peace with their drama bib on, just remember:

You don’t owe them an explanation. Just a sippy cup and directions to the exit.