💸 “All Narcissists Are Con Men and Con Women… Because They Haven’t Got Any F*ing Money”

 Let’s be honest: if narcissists were actually as amazing as they claim, they’d be too busy running empires, saving dolphins, or at least paying their own phone bills. But no. They’re too busy emotionally scamming people with fake love, fake dreams, and zero actual assets.

Here’s the cold, hilarious truth:

🐍 Narcissist Economics 101:

They don’t invest in themselves — they invest in you investing in them.

You’re their bank, their therapist, their cheerleader, and their unpaid assistant — all rolled into one.

Meanwhile, they’ve got about £3.27 in the bank and a fake Rolex from Wish.

💡 Why Do They Manipulate?

Because manipulation is cheaper than rent.

Here’s how the broke-ass magic works:

• Love-Bombing = emotional credit card fraud
  (“You’re the only one who truly understands me” = “I need a place to stay next month.”)
• Gaslighting = reality repossession
  (“You’re too sensitive” = “Stop noticing I’m useless.”)
• Future-Faking = budget Netflix fantasy
  (“One day I’ll buy us a house by the sea” = “I’m currently living in my car.”)

😂 Fun Fact: They’re Not Mysterious — They’re Just Skint

Narcissists act superior to distract you from the fact they:

• Can’t hold down a job
• Can’t take accountability
• Can’t pay for dinner without borrowing your card and blaming the waiter

🧼 Clean-Up Time

Once you’re onto them, they usually either:

1. Cry and claim you’re the narcissist (LOL), or
2. Try to smear your name faster than they smeared peanut butter on your walls during that one blackout argument.

Either way, they’re just mad the gravy train left the station and took the snacks with it.

💅 Final Words from a Strong Bitch Who’s Seen It All:

Don’t let a broke manipulator rewrite your story.

Their power only works if you believe their narrative.

And now? You’re the author. They’re just a badly written side character who tried to steal your plot.