🚫 What If Processed Food Aisles Just Disappeared?

(Spoiler: You’d Probably Be Hot, Calm, and Baking Your Own Crackers)

Let’s pretend, just for a moment, that you walk into your local supermarket and BAM —

🧨 No processed food aisle. Gone. Vanished. Deleted from existence.

Like your ex’s texts. Or your dignity after a tequila night.

🛒 The New Supermarket Vibe: Farmer’s Market on Steroids

Instead of plastic-packed regret and things that sound like chemistry class (hello, disodium inosinate), you’re faced with:

• Fresh fruit that smells like actual fruit
• Veg that still has mud on it (raw, rustic, gorgeous)
• Bread that goes mouldy in 3 days because it’s real
• Chickens that look like they lived a decent life

You try to find a microwave pizza… but the frozen section now holds wild blueberries and fish that still has a face.

You panic. You whisper to the universe:

“Where are the chocolate buttons?”

The universe whispers back:

“You’re better than that, Sharon.”

🧠 Your Brain: Finally Allowed to Think Straight

Without processed food doing dodgy things to your dopamine, you suddenly:

• Remember birthdays
• Finish emails
• Stop eating six chocolate bars before dinner
• Actually feel full after a meal

And you don’t randomly cry at 3pm.

Or scream at your child because they blinked too loudly.

Because — wait for it — your blood sugar isn’t throwing hands with your soul.

🍽️ Dinner Looks Different. And… Better?

You start roasting things.

You start sautéing.

You Google the word sauté because you weren’t sure if it meant “cook” or “twirl in a musical.”

You put on a podcast.

You drizzle things.

You say things like “infused with garlic” and “zesty.”

You’re basically Nigella. With bills.

👀 But What About Snacks?

You still snack.

You’re just now snacking on things that don’t glow in the dark.

• Apple with almond butter
• Roasted chickpeas that crunch like vengeance
• Dates stuffed with peanut butter and self-esteem
• Weird little seed clusters that make you feel earthy and smug

You don’t miss the processed ones. Much.

Okay maybe you still dream about Jaffa Cakes, but they visit you less and less.

🧘‍♀️ You Start to Feel… Calm? Is This Legal?

You don’t wake up with face bloat that makes you question your entire ancestry.

Your jeans fit the same after lunch as they did before.

You’re not googling “how to stop feeling tired forever.”

You feel… oddly stable.

Like a plant that finally got watered and isn’t being yelled at anymore.

👶 The Kids Join the Cult

They scream at first.

No crisps? No fromage-flavoured alien puffs?

But then… they try mango.

And they like it.

You cry. They ask why. You say:

“I just never thought I’d see the day.”

✨ Final Thought: If Processed Food Vanished, So Would 80% of Our Cravings

You wouldn’t become a food monk. You’d just become sane.

You’d still eat dessert — but maybe one you made with oat flour and sass.

You’d still have treats — but without the shame hangover.

You’d still love food — but it would start loving you back.