Why All You Ever Needed Was Love After an Abusive Parent – And Why You Confused Alcohol & Numbing With Comfort (Healing Guide by Vikki)
Why All You Ever Needed Was Love After an Abusive Parent – And Why You Confused Alcohol & Numbing With Comfort
Written with love by Vikki · Healing · Sanity · Self-Love
If you grew up with an abusive, emotionally unsafe, unpredictable, or neglectful parent, there’s one truth that hits you later in life like a tidal wave:
You never wanted to escape. You never wanted alcohol, drugs, chaos or drama. You just wanted love.
Real love. Safe love. Steady love. Human love.
But when you don’t get that as a child, your brain doesn’t stop needing it — it just goes looking for anything that feels like relief.
You Weren’t Chasing Substances. You Were Chasing Warmth.
When a parent doesn’t provide safety or affection, a child learns to self-soothe alone. And when you grow up? You instinctively seek that same “soothing” wherever you can find it.
That’s why so many survivors confuse:
- alcohol with comfort,
- drugs with escape,
- food with love,
- sex with connection,
- chaos with normal,
- relationships with rescue,
- overworking with worthiness,
- numbing with peace.
None of this meant you were weak. It meant you were trying to soothe a wound that was never your fault.
Abusive Parenting Teaches You the Wrong Definition of Love
Growing up in emotional scarcity wires your brain to believe love is something painful or inconsistent.
You learn:
- Love = instability
- Love = conditions
- Love = fear
- Love = silence
- Love = punishment
- Love = giving everything and receiving nothing
No wonder you struggled to feel safe. No wonder you reached for numbing. No wonder you confused distraction for comfort.
Your nervous system wasn’t broken — it was trained to survive.
The Real Truth: You Only Ever Needed Love, Warmth & Safety
Not substances. Not distractions. Not self-punishment. Not coping mechanisms.
You needed:
- to be held, not criticised
- to be heard, not dismissed
- to be comforted, not shamed
- to be guided, not controlled
- to be protected, not attacked
- to be loved, not feared
These are basic human needs — NOT luxuries.
And now that you’re an adult?
You get to give yourself what you were denied.
How My Blog Helps You Heal With Love, Sanity & Compassion
Everything I write — every post, every guide, every truth — is designed to give you the one thing you were starved of:
Love. Real love. Safe love. The kind you should have received from day one.
My blog exists to give you:
- the warmth you deserved,
- the validation no one gave you,
- the truth you were denied,
- the emotional safety you longed for,
- the perspective your parent should have had,
- and the compassion your inner child is crying out for.
I write for you because I AM you. I survived what you survived. And I want you to know something important:
You are not broken. You are under-loved. And love — the real kind — is the cure.
You deserve a life built on peace, not fear. Connection, not chaos. Healing, not numbing.
I’m here with you. My blog is here for you. Always with love, Vikki xxx
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