Healing, Not Socialising

By Vikki

Let’s clear something up: you’re not “going quiet,” “being distant,” or “acting weird.”

You’re healing.

You’re not ignoring people because you hate them. You’re ignoring people because your nervous system is on 3% battery and cannot handle one more “hey, you free for a quick chat?” message.

Reality check: Healing is not cute yoga poses and smoothies. Sometimes it’s cancelled plans, unread messages, naps, and full-on hermit mode.

You’re Not Antisocial. You’re Overstimulated.

If you’ve been through:

• toxic relationships
• narcissistic family dynamics
• burnout from work or parenting
• years of people-pleasing
• constant drama and emotional chaos

…then of course you don’t want to socialise.

Your brain is not thinking, “I hate people.” It’s thinking, “Please, for the love of God, let me rest.”

Signs You’re in Your “Healing, Not Socialising” Era

1. You Cancel Plans and Feel Relieved, Not Guilty

You want to see people in theory. In reality, your body chooses bed, snacks, and silence every time. That’s not flakiness. That’s nervous system triage.

2. Your Phone Is Suddenly a Threat

Someone messaging “Can we talk?” sends your soul straight into airplane mode.

You start replying in your head and never actually send the message. Classic healing behaviour.

3. Socialising Feels Like Work

You’re not “bad at friendships.” You’re just tired of:

• masking your emotions
• pretending you’re okay when you’re not
• carrying conversations when you can barely carry yourself

4. You’re Craving Quiet More Than Excitement

The idea of a wild night out? Draining.

The idea of a quiet night in with no expectations? Heaven.

Healing Requires Space

You cannot heal in the same level of noise that broke you.

Distance isn’t always avoidance. Sometimes it’s medicine.

When you stop socialising so much, you finally start hearing:

• your own thoughts
• your own needs
• your own desires
• your own “no, I don’t want that”

That’s not selfish. That’s the beginning of a different life.

How To Explain This (Without Over-Explaining)

You don’t owe anyone a trauma TED Talk, but if you want to gently explain why you’re quieter, try:

• “I’m focusing on healing right now, so I’m less social.”
• “I don’t have much energy for talking, but I still care.”
• “It’s not personal. I’m just mentally on low power mode.”
• “I’m in a quieter season. Thank you for understanding.”

Healthy people will understand. The ones who get offended by your healing were benefiting from your unhealed version.

Things You’re Allowed To Do While Healing

You are absolutely allowed to:

• say “no” to plans without a detailed excuse
• take hours or days to reply
• log off group chats
• mute people who drain you
• choose rest over catch-ups
• change your mind and not go

Your healing does not require public approval.

Healing Is a Season, Not a Personality Flaw

You won’t always feel this tired. You won’t always need this much space. But right now, you do.

We’re so used to pushing through that choosing to slow down feels “wrong.” It isn’t.

You’re not losing yourself. You’re meeting yourself for the first time, without all the noise.

Your turn: Be honest – are you in your healing era or still forcing yourself to socialise?

Comment with: “Healing”, “Still people-pleasing”, or “Soft hermit mode activated” 🐚

Reminder: If your “I don’t want to socialise” feeling is mixed with deep sadness, numbness, or hopelessness for a long time, please reach out to a therapist or doctor. You deserve proper support as you heal.