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Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
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Dear Vikki,

 Dear Vikki,


One day — maybe when you least expect it — you’ll feel joy again. Not the kind you faked to survive, or the kind you forced to keep the peace, but the real, spontaneous kind that sneaks up and surprises you.


It’ll happen when your now-brain takes over — the logical, grounded, peaceful part of you that lives in the present. You’ll stop time-travelling between the pain of yesterday and the anxiety of tomorrow. You’ll just be here.


Maybe you’ll be laughing at something silly on TV, or sitting in the sun with a cup of tea, and suddenly it hits you — this feels good. And then you’ll realise, for the first time in a long time, you’re not analysing, defending, or explaining anything. You’re just living.


That’s when you’ll know healing isn’t something that happens all at once. It’s these tiny moments of peace and fun — built from your logical now instead of your emotional chaos.


And Vikki, when that happens, please pause. Breathe. Feel it. You earned that laugh. You earned that joy. You earned you back.


With love, to myself x 


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