Stop Calling It Chemistry. It’s Anxiety

 

You know the feeling.

Your stomach flips.
Your chest tightens.
You replay every message.
You wait for the reply like it’s oxygen.

You call it chemistry.

But let’s slow that down.

Chemistry should feel exciting.
Anxiety feels urgent.

They are not the same thing.

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Butterflies Are Not Always Romantic

Butterflies can mean:

• unpredictability

• inconsistency

• emotional unavailability

• instability

• fear of loss

Your body doesn’t have a “romance detector”.

It has a threat detector.

When someone is:

• hot and cold

• hard to read

• emotionally unavailable

• inconsistent

your nervous system lights up.

That activation feels intense.

Intensity is easy to confuse with connection.

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Calm Feels Boring (At First)

Here’s the uncomfortable part.

When someone is:

• consistent

• kind

• emotionally available

• steady

• clear

your body relaxes.

And if you’re used to chaos?

Relaxation feels unfamiliar.

Unfamiliar can feel… boring.

Not because it is.

Because your nervous system isn’t used to peace.

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Chaos Feels Like Home

If you grew up around:

• volatility

• unpredictability

• emotional distance

• over-functioning

• inconsistency

then your body learned:

“This is normal.”

So when you meet someone unpredictable,
it feels like recognition.

Not because they’re right for you.
Because they feel familiar.

Familiar doesn’t mean safe.

It means practiced.

---

Real Chemistry Doesn’t Spike Cortisol

Healthy attraction looks like:

• curiosity without panic

• interest without obsession

• excitement without dread

• missing someone without losing yourself

It doesn’t hijack your nervous system.

It doesn’t require decoding.

It doesn’t leave you exhausted.

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If You’re Always Activated, That’s Information

If every relationship feels:

• intense

• dramatic

• consuming

• destabilising

that’s not fate.

That’s a pattern.

And patterns are learned.

The moment you experience someone steady —
someone who regulates themselves,
someone who doesn’t disappear,
someone who doesn’t create confusion —

your body may not light up the same way.

It may feel… calm.

Calm is not lack of chemistry.

Calm is safety.

And safety is underrated.

---

The Real Shift

The most attractive thing in 2026 isn’t mystery.

It’s emotional responsibility.

Someone who:

• handles their feelings

• communicates clearly

• doesn’t make you chase

• doesn’t withdraw to gain power

• doesn’t create artificial intensity

That’s not boring.

That’s sustainable.

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Final Thought

If your body feels constantly on edge around someone,
don’t romanticise it.

Ask a different question:

Do I feel safe, or do I feel activated?

Because chemistry that drains you
isn’t chemistry.

It’s anxiety wearing lipstick.