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Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
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Sundays in London: Or, How I Accidentally Dated a Logistics Problem

 


There was a period of my life where every Sunday afternoon followed the same thrilling format:

He’d go back to London.
And apparently… outsource intimacy.

Like clockwork.

Not emotional intimacy. Not connection.
Just services, booked with the dedication of someone scheduling a recurring calendar event.

Same day. Same pattern. Same secrecy.

Joy lesson loading… but not yet.

The Burner Phone Reveal (Because of Course There Was One)

At some point, I discovered he had a second phone.

Not for work.
Not for privacy.
Not for emergencies.

No—this was a burner phone, exclusively dedicated to:

  • Calling women whose job description involved “comfort”

  • Avoiding accountability

  • Maintaining the illusion of innocence

Nothing says “emotionally unavailable” like a man with a secret device and a standing Sunday appointment.

My Role at the Time: Olympic-Level Denial

Let me be clear:
I was not stupid.
I was optimistic with a high tolerance for nonsense.

I told myself things like:

  • “At least he’s honest now”

  • “Everyone has needs”

  • “This is complicated”

  • “I can handle it”

Reader: I could not.

Joy lesson:
If someone needs a burner phone to meet their needs, you are not in a relationship—you are in a cover story.

The Moment It Became Funny (In Hindsight)

What gets me now isn’t the behavior.

It’s the admin.

The planning.
The secrecy.
The mental gymnastics.
The commitment to chaos.

All that effort, when the real solution was simply:

“Be single.”

Why I’m Laughing Now

Because today:

  • I don’t share space with double lives

  • I don’t compete with phones

  • I don’t explain why basic loyalty matters

  • I don’t negotiate intimacy like it’s a subscription service

I sleep well.
I laugh easily.
I trust my instincts.
I do not date men with backup hardware.

Updated Policy (Non-Negotiable)

  • If you need secrecy, you need singleness

  • If you need a burner phone, you need therapy

  • If your Sundays involve deception, mine involve peace

Joy thrives in simplicity.

Final Takeaway

If someone’s love life requires:

  • A second phone

  • A recurring schedule

  • And plausible deniability

That’s not romance.

That’s customer service with emotional fallout.

And I officially canceled the contract.

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