Skip to main content

Featured

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident

Attachment Weaponisation: The Bond Was Never an Accident I never noticed the closeness being built. I just assumed it was love, and assumed what I owed because of it, without either of us ever saying it out loud. Short version: Trauma bonding is usually described as something that happens to you, almost by accident, through unpredictable reward. A 2025 Cambridge study, interviewing eighteen women with sustained attachment to abusive partners, found something sharper underneath that: the closeness itself is often deliberately constructed early on, specifically so it can be exploited later. Researchers call this attachment weaponisation. The unsettling part is that it isn't always obvious while it's happening. It can feel completely organic, right up until you realise how much invisible obligation got built into it along the way. What is attachment weaponisation? A 2025 study led by researchers at the University of Cambridge, published in the journal Violence Aga...
Post a Comment
Read more
Labels

I Used to Be an Unpaid Emergency Service (Open 24/7)

 


There was a time in my life when I believed love meant responding to phone calls at 3am.

Not emergencies like:

  • “I’m hurt”

  • “I need help”

  • “Something actually happened”

No.

These were more like:

“I’m drunk, wandering, and making life choices that require supervision.”

I became:

  • The taxi

  • The therapist

  • The crisis hotline

  • The moral compass

  • The ‘please don’t ruin your life tonight’ department

At one point, I was collecting a fully grown adult who had decided train tracks were a scenic walking route.

At 3am.

Joy lesson (learned late, but learned well):
If someone needs rescuing every weekend, you’re not their partner—you’re their risk management plan.

The Moment I Retired From Chaos Logistics

One day, something miraculous happened.

I stopped answering.

And shockingly:

  • The trains kept running

  • The world did not end

  • He survived his own decisions

  • My nervous system unclenched for the first time in years

Turns out, I was not preventing disaster.

I was just exhausting myself.

Why This Is Funny Now

Because looking back, it’s absurd.

I was:

  • Sleep-deprived

  • Over-functioning

  • Mistaking anxiety for love

  • Running emergency ops for someone committed to chaos

And now?

I sleep.
I laugh.
I don’t chase adults.
I don’t negotiate with nonsense.
I don’t confuse adrenaline with affection.

Updated Relationship Policy

  • I do not date projects

  • I do not rescue grown men

  • I do not answer chaos calls

  • I do not sacrifice joy for “potential”

Joy prefers partners who:

  • Stay off train tracks

  • Handle their own lives

  • Let me sleep

Honestly?
The bar is now underground—and still somehow selective.

Final Takeaway

If your relationship requires a flashlight, a phone charger, and emotional triage at 3am…

That’s not romance.

That’s volunteer work.

And I’ve officially retired—with benefits, boundaries, and a very well-rested nervous system.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment