You Weren’t Hard to Love — They Were Hard to Please
💔 You Weren’t Hard to Love — They Were Hard to Please
This is for every version of you that ever sat there wondering, “What is wrong with me?”
If you have ever felt too much, not enough, or easily replaceable — this is your reset button.
Let’s start with the sentence your heart has been waiting years to hear:
You weren’t hard to love — they were hard to please.
Read that again.
One more time, for the versions of you that still don’t believe it:
It was never that you were unlovable. It was that they were unreachable.
👶 The Child Who Thought They Were “Too Much”
Some of you grew up thinking you were:
- too sensitive
- too clingy
- too emotional
- too loud or too quiet
- too demanding
- too dramatic
- too much
You weren’t.
You were a child with normal human needs — raised by adults who:
- didn’t know how to regulate their own emotions
- were shut down, distracted, or in survival mode
- were repeating their own unhealed patterns
- didn’t know how to see you without feeling threatened or overwhelmed
They taught you your feelings were “too much” because they didn’t have the skills to hold them.
That was never about your worth. That was always about their capacity.
💔 The Partner Who Made You Feel Like a Problem
Some of you loved partners who made you feel:
- too needy
- too jealous
- too insecure
- too honest
- too affectionate
- too intense
- “too much for them”
You weren’t.
You were offering:
- communication
- clarity
- transparency
- affection
- commitment
- emotional honesty
to someone who:
- wasn’t ready to be seen
- didn’t want to be accountable
- was terrified of real intimacy
- preferred games over growth
- wanted attention, not connection
You were not asking for too much. You were asking the wrong person.
🤯 “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” — The Question That Haunts You
You replay it over and over:
- “Why wasn’t I enough for them to stay?”
- “Why wasn’t I enough for them to change?”
- “Why wasn’t I enough for them to treat me better?”
- “Why was I so easy to let go of?”
Here’s the answer no one gave you:
You were never supposed to be “enough” to fix someone else’s emptiness.
No level of:
- beauty
- kindness
- loyalty
- sex
- support
- self-sacrifice
can heal:
- emotional unavailability
- narcissism
- untreated trauma
- addiction
- lack of self-awareness
- someone’s refusal to grow
You weren’t “not enough”. You were miscast as someone’s saviour when you were never meant to be.
🧠 The Truth: You Weren’t Hard to Love. They Were Hard to Satisfy.
Some people are not looking for love. They’re looking for:
- control
- validation
- ego strokes
- attention
- distraction from their own emptiness
To those people:
- clear communication feels like criticism
- healthy boundaries feel like rejection
- emotional needs feel like demands
- accountability feels like attack
- your standards feel like audacity
You weren’t hard to love. They were hard to please, because nothing external can fill an internal void.
🪞 You Blamed Yourself Because That’s What You Were Taught
When:
- parents are inconsistent ➝ children blame themselves
- partners are distant ➝ lovers blame themselves
- friends are flaky ➝ we blame ourselves
Why? Because:
- “If it’s my fault, then I can fix it.”
- “If I fix myself, maybe they’ll stay.”
- “If I am better, they will love me better.”
It gives you a sense of control in a situation where you were actually powerless over their behaviour.
But that illusion of control turns into lifelong self-blame.
You’ve spent years editing yourself to please people who were never happy within themselves.
🌱 The Reframe That Changes Everything
Instead of:
- “Why wasn’t I enough for them?”
Try:
- “Why were they so unable to receive what I naturally give?”
- “Why was I okay with accepting so little?”
- “Who taught me to work this hard for crumbs?”
You’ve been trying to pass an exam they never studied for.
You’ve been trying to pour oceans into people who only brought teacups.
It was never about your capacity to love. It was always about their capacity to receive and reciprocate.
💡 The Right People Won’t Be Overwhelmed by You
One day, someone will look at the things you were shamed for and call them:
- your strengths
- your gifts
- your magic
Your:
- honesty ➝ will feel refreshing
- depth ➝ will feel grounding
- affection ➝ will feel safe
- loyalty ➝ will feel like home
- emotional needs ➝ will feel human, not “demanding”
The right people won’t be overwhelmed by your love. They’ll be overwhelmed by how grateful they are to finally receive it.
🧡 A Letter to the You Who Still Thinks It Was All Your Fault
To the you who stayed too long:
You were loyal, not stupid.
To the you who begged them to see your worth:
You were desperate to be loved, not pathetic.
To the you who is still asking “Why wasn’t I enough?”:
You were never supposed to be everything for someone who gave you almost nothing.
You are not a project. You are not a consolation prize. You are not a backup plan. You are not an emotional bin.
You are a whole human being who offered real love to people who didn’t know what to do with it.
🌈 The Line to Remember When You Start Blaming Yourself Again
When your brain starts spiralling:
- “Maybe if I’d been prettier…”
- “Maybe if I’d been calmer…”
- “Maybe if I’d been less emotional…”
- “Maybe if I’d been more fun…”
Stop. Breathe. And remind yourself:
You weren’t hard to love — they were hard to please.
And then, this:
Stop asking why you weren’t enough for them — start asking why they were never capable of enough for you.
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