You Didn’t “Have High Walls” — You Learned People Were Safer From a Distance

🧱 You Didn’t “Have High Walls” — You Learned People Were Safer From a Distance

You’re not cold. You’re not broken. You’re not “too guarded”. You are someone who learned the hard way that not everyone is safe.

This is for everyone who has ever been told they have “trust issues” when really, they have self-protection wisdom.

People say:

“You have high walls.”
“You don’t let anyone in.”
“You’re too closed off.”
“You have trust issues.”
“You push good people away.”

As if you woke up one day and thought:

“You know what would be fun? Struggling to trust humans.”

No.

You didn’t randomly decide to grow walls. You learned — over and over — that people were safer from a distance.

💔 The Real Reason You Stopped Letting People Close

You weren’t born guarded.

You became guarded because you were:

let down when you needed someone most
lied to by people you trusted
dismissed when you finally spoke up
ignored when you were hurting
embarrassed for being honest
abandoned without explanation
blamed for other people’s behaviour
made to feel like a burden for having feelings
punished for being vulnerable
shamed for needing reassurance or care
betrayed by people who called themselves “family” or “soulmates”
labelled “dramatic” for reacting like a human to pain

You learned the pattern:

open up ➝ get hurt
trust ➝ get betrayed
need something ➝ get shamed
depend on someone ➝ get dropped

So you adapted.

Not because you hate love — but because you learned love can be dangerous.

🧠 You Don’t Have “Trust Issues” — You Have Data

Your brain isn’t making this up. It’s studied your life.

It remembers:

the friend who used your secrets against you
the parent who mocked your feelings
the partner who called you crazy then cheated
the family who told you to “get over it”
the times you were honest and it backfired

Your “trust issues” are not random.

They are your nervous system saying:

“Last time we did this, it hurt like hell. Let’s not walk in unarmoured again.”

That’s not dysfunction. That’s protection.

🧱 Your Walls Were Built Brick by Brick

You didn’t slam your heart shut in one dramatic moment.

You built your walls:

the first time someone laughed when you cried
the first time your “I’m not okay” was ignored
the first time they used your wounds as weapons
the first time telling the truth blew up in your face
the fifth, tenth, twentieth second chance you gave someone who didn’t deserve it

Brick by brick, you learned:

“I’ll just handle it myself.”
“I won’t ask for help again.”
“I won’t show that much emotion again.”
“I’ll keep people at arm’s length.”

People call it “walls”.

Your nervous system calls it “finally safe enough to function.”

👀 They Saw Distance. They Didn’t See the History Behind It.

They saw:

you not texting back immediately
you taking time to trust
you being quiet at first
you asking questions before jumping in
you needing time alone

They didn’t see:

the nights you cried alone after being betrayed
the way your chest tightens when someone says, “Trust me”
the panic that hits when someone gets too close too fast
the grief of realising how many times you ignored your own intuition
the disappointment of watching people choose their comfort over your wellbeing

They saw “high walls”. You were living inside a body that learned:

“Closeness can turn into danger without warning.”

🚫 You Didn’t Push People Away — You Protected Yourself

Let’s rewrite the story:

You didn’t “sabotage relationships”. You sensed misalignment and your body hit the brakes.
You didn’t “ruin something good”. You noticed red flags and refused to abandon yourself again.
You didn’t “friendzone everyone”. You honoured your lack of safety instead of forcing feelings.
You didn’t “run from love”. You ran from chaos pretending to be love.

You didn’t stop trusting altogether.

You stopped trusting people who hadn’t earned it.

🌡️ Self-Protection Isn’t the Enemy — It Just Got Stuck on Maximum

Your self-protection kept you alive — emotionally, sometimes even physically.

It stopped you from:

going back to people who broke you
sharing with people who enjoyed your pain
handing your heart to people who only wanted access, not responsibility

The problem isn’t that your guard exists. The problem is that it might be stuck on:

“Everyone is unsafe, 100% of the time.”

That makes total sense if your life has taught you that.

It can also be exhausting and lonely.

If you have access to it, working with a trauma-informed therapist, coach, or support group can help you slowly teach your system that:

some people really are safe
you can go slowly and still be loved
you can say “no” and still be worthy

🤝 One Day, Someone Safe Will Come Close

One day, someone will:

not rush you
not punish your caution
not call your boundaries “walls”
not make your hesitation about their ego
not demand access to your inner world on day one

They will:

move gently
respect your pace
show up when they say they will
make their actions match their words
listen without trying to fix or minimise

Your walls won’t have to crash down dramatically.

They will just… soften.

Your nervous system will eventually go:

“This one doesn’t feel like danger.”

That’s not them “saving” you. That’s your body finally feeling safe enough to rest.

🌈 You’re Not Broken — You’re Wise

If you take nothing else away from this, let it be this:

You don’t have trust issues — you have self-protection wisdom.

You learned, sometimes brutally, that:

not everyone who says “I love you” knows how to act like it
not everyone who wants access to you deserves it
not everyone who wants your body can handle your soul
not everyone who wants your energy wants your wellbeing

That wisdom is not something to be ashamed of.

It’s something to honour, refine, and use as you slowly, carefully, bravely let the right people stand closer.

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