The Day You Realise You’re Not Healing — You’re Becoming Someone You’ve Never Been Allowed to Be
🌍 The Day You Realise You’re Not Healing — You’re Becoming Someone You’ve Never Been Allowed to Be
Healing isn’t about going back to the old you. It’s about becoming the you that never had a chance to exist while you were in survival mode.
This is for the strong ones, the quiet ones, the parentified kids, the trauma survivors, the single parents, the people who have rebuilt themselves in silence.
Everyone talks about “healing” like you’re supposed to:
- get back to who you used to be
- feel like your “old self” again
- return to “normal”
But the truth is:
You’re not healing to become the old you again. You’re healing to become someone you’ve never been allowed to be.
The old you was built in survival. This you is being built in freedom.
🧠 You’re Losing the You That Was Created Out of Survival
Right now, you might feel:
- lost
- confused
- different
- disconnected from who you used to be
That’s not you “failing at healing”.
That’s you shedding the identity you built to survive things you should never have had to survive.
You’re losing:
- the “strong one” who never got to fall apart
- the hyper-independent version who learned not to need anyone
- the “good girl/good boy” who prioritised being liked over being real
- the people-pleaser who believed asking for less would get them more love
- the anxious one who believed love must be earned
- the version of you who stayed quiet to keep the peace
- the caregiver who carried everyone’s emotions and ignored their own
Those versions weren’t fake.
They were armour.
Armour that:
- protected you
- kept you safe
- helped you survive trauma, chaos, neglect, abuse, and instability
But armour is heavy. And you were never meant to live in it forever.
💥 Healing Feels Lonely Because You’re Holding a Funeral for Who You Used to Be
Nobody warns you that healing feels like grief.
You’re not just:
- leaving a relationship
- going no-contact
- changing jobs
- setting boundaries
You’re also:
- grieving the self who stayed
- grieving the self who tolerated it
- grieving the self who didn’t know any better
- grieving the self who tried so hard to be enough
Healing feels like:
- identity death
- emotional shedding
- feeling like you don’t fit in your old life
- being bored by chaos that used to excite you
- looking at old habits and thinking, “I can’t do this anymore”
- feeling distant from people you once felt inseparable from
You’re not being dramatic.
You’re outgrowing the personality you built to survive an environment that no longer matches the person you’re becoming.
🔥 The Most Terrifying Part? You Don’t Know Who You’re Becoming Yet.
Healing is scary because you’re in between versions.
You’re no longer:
- the one who tolerates everything
- the one who abandons themselves to keep the peace
- the one who chases, begs, and bargains
But you’re not fully:
- the one who trusts their voice
- the one who sets boundaries and sticks to them
- the one who chooses peace over chaos
That in-between space feels like:
- “Who even am I?”
- “Why don’t I enjoy the things I used to?”
- “Why don’t those people feel like my people anymore?”
- “Why does my life feel too big and too small at the same time?”
You’re not lost.
You’re becoming someone you’ve never been allowed to be.
A version of you that:
- uses their voice
- says “no” without a 30-minute explanation
- walks away from almost-love
- chooses rest over burnout performance
- expects consistency instead of chasing crumbs
- protects their energy like it’s sacred (because it is)
🧘♀️ You’re Not “Acting Different” — You’re Acting Like Someone Who Finally Knows Their Worth
When you start changing, people might say:
- “You’ve changed.”
- “You’re acting strange.”
- “You’re distant now.”
- “You don’t care anymore.”
- “You’ve become selfish.”
No.
You’re just:
- no longer entertained by what drains you
- no longer chasing people who keep walking away
- no longer begging to be chosen
- no longer carrying relationships on your back
- no longer shrinking for their comfort
- no longer explaining your boundaries 15 times
- no longer confusing anxiety with love
They don’t recognise you because this version of you doesn’t serve them anymore.
This version serves you.
🌱 The Day You Realise You’re Not Healing — You’re Rising
You’ll notice tiny shifts:
- you don’t rush to reply to chaos anymore
- you sit with your feelings instead of running from them
- you find drama exhausting, not exciting
- you outgrow the urge to explain your worth
- you stop trying to “fix” people who enjoy their brokenness
- you stop seeing rejection as proof that you’re unlovable
- you start seeing it as proof that you’re no longer available for misalignment
This is not you being cold.
This is you growing a spine and a soft heart at the same time.
This is not healing. This is rebirth.
🧡 To the You Who Misses the Old You (But Also Doesn’t)
Maybe you miss:
- the you who could pretend everything was fine
- the you who tolerated more than you should have
- the you who didn’t overthink so much
- the you who said yes easily
But you also know:
- she was exhausted
- she was over-giving
- she was under-valued
- she was surviving, not really living
You don’t actually want to go back.
You just miss the illusion of safety that came with self-abandonment.
The real safety is being built now — with boundaries, self-trust, and a nervous system that believes you will not throw yourself under the bus again.
👑 The Line You Came Here For
If you need one sentence to hold onto, let it be this:
You’re not healing — you’re finally becoming the version of you that your past tried to bury.
You are not:
- behind
- broken
- late
- too damaged
You are:
- between versions
- between identities
- between survival and actual life
The old you was the surviving you. This one — the one you’re slowly, shakily, bravely becoming —
is the free you.
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