I Used To Overthink Everything, Now I Just Don’t Care (Self-Care or Emotional Damage?)
I Used To Overthink Everything, Now I Just Don’t Care (Self-Care or Emotional Damage? Let’s Discuss)
By Vikki
Once upon a time, I analysed every word of every text, every “ok” with no emoji, every 3-minute typing bubble that disappeared, every “seen 14:02”.
Now? Someone could send me a six-paragraph emotional essay and I’d reply with “lol ok” and then go make a cup of tea.
Is this healing? Is this burnout? Is this emotional damage dressed up as self-care? I don’t know. But it’s quiet. And honestly, I kind of like it here.
Important: If you’ve gone from “overthinking every interaction” to “I literally do not have the energy to care anymore,” you are not alone. A lot of us are in our “Not My Problem” era – but it’s worth checking whether that’s empowerment or just exhaustion wearing lipstick.
Overthinking Era vs Zero-F*cks Era
Let’s compare.
Past You: The Overthinking Analyst
- Re-reads messages 18 times before sending
- Asks 3 friends, “Is this reply okay or does it sound rude?”
- Overthinks tone, punctuation, timing, emojis, everything
- Panics if someone doesn’t reply instantly
- Relives conversations at 3am like a Netflix recap
Current You: Spiritually Done
- Types reply in 4 seconds flat
- Does not care if full stop seems “aggressive”
- Leaves people on read with no guilt
- Blocks, deletes or ignores in peace
- Has mentally unsubscribed from other people’s drama
Somewhere between those two versions, something snapped. In a good way. Mostly.
Is It Growth… Or Emotional Shutdown?
There’s a huge difference between:
- “I’m calm because I trust myself and my boundaries”
- vs “I’m numb because my nervous system is absolutely fried”
One is healing. The other is self-protective dissociation with good branding.
Signs It Might Be Emotional Damage Disguised as “I Don’t Care”
- You don’t just care less about drama – you care less about everything
- Things that used to excite you now feel… flat
- You struggle to feel joy, not just relief
- You tell yourself “I don’t care” but your body still feels heavy, tense, or exhausted
- Detaching feels more like shutting down than setting a boundary
Signs It Might Actually Be Healthy Self-Care
- You care less about pleasing others, but more about your own peace
- You feel lighter, not emptier
- You can still feel joy and excitement, just not about nonsense
- You choose where your energy goes, instead of spraying it everywhere
- Saying “no”, blocking, or walking away feels like relief not guilt
Why Your Nervous System Clocked Out First
If you’ve lived through:
- toxic relationships
- narcissistic parents or partners
- chaotic work environments
- constant people-pleasing and emotional caretaking
…your nervous system has been doing overtime. Hypervigilance, overthinking, analysing other people’s moods – all of that is survival mode.
At some point, your brain goes: “We cannot keep thinking this hard about people who don’t even think about us. Shut it down.”
That shutdown can feel like:
- not having energy to argue
- letting things slide because you can’t be bothered
- no longer explaining yourself 12 times to people who don’t listen
- a deep, powerful “not my problem” vibe
Sometimes that’s deep healing. Sometimes it’s deep exhaustion. Often it’s a messy mix of both.
Things I No Longer Have the Energy to Worry About
Honestly, here’s the new policy:
- People who make me guess where I stand
- People who only message when they need something
- People who can’t say “sorry” but can say “you’re too sensitive”
- People who get offended by boundaries
- What strangers on the internet think of my life
- Whether my texts have too many or too few emojis
If it doesn’t pay my bills, support my healing, or bring me peace – it’s not my problem anymore.
Welcome to Your “Not My Problem” Era
This era looks like:
- Leaving group chats that feel like work
- Muting people instead of obsessing over them
- Cutting off arguments after “We’re not doing this again”
- Choosing silence over defending yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you
- Ending conversations with “Okay” instead of 18 paragraphs of explanation
You’re not heartless. You’re just done being emotionally scammed.
If You Want This to Be Healing (Not Just Shutdown)
If you’re in your “I don’t care” era and want to make sure it’s healthy, here are a few gentle checks:
1. Start Caring More About You
It’s not about caring about nothing – it’s about rerouting that energy.
- How do you feel today?
- What do you want more of?
- What would make your life softer, calmer, easier?
2. Let Yourself Feel Again (Slowly)
Being completely numb might have been necessary at some point. But long-term, you deserve more than “I feel nothing.”
Try small things that feel safe: music, films that move you, journaling, laughing with someone you trust, tiny moments of joy.
3. Practice Boundaries, Not Walls
Boundaries say: “This doesn’t work for me.”
Walls say: “Nothing gets in ever again because I’d rather die than be hurt.”
You’re allowed to let good people in slowly, while keeping chaos out completely.
You’re Not Cold. You’re Tired of Bleeding for People Who Bring Knives.
Most people who “suddenly stop caring” were actually caring too much for too long. They were overthinking, over-explaining, over-giving, over-apologising… until the system crashed.
So if this is you, here’s your permission slip:
- You’re not a bad person for caring less
- You’re not heartless for protecting your peace
- You’re not “cold” for refusing to argue anymore
- You’re not “selfish” for putting your energy back into your own life
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can say is: “That’s not mine to carry.”
Your turn: Be honest – are you healed or just totally done with everyone’s bullshit?
Comment below with: “Healing”, “Dead inside”, or “A sexy mix of both” 😂
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