You Weren’t Going Mad — You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Mother | Healing for Daughters
You Weren’t Going Mad — You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Mother
By Vikki · United Kingdom · Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Yesterday I heard something that felt like a punch and a rescue at the same time:
“No one likes your mum. Be careful with interactions with her.”
And suddenly, my whole childhood made sense. Not because it was new information — but because it was finally confirmed.
This post is for every daughter who grew up feeling like she was losing her mind because of her mother’s narcissistic behaviour.
Let’s Start With the Truth: You Were Never the Problem
If people are warning others to be careful around your mum, that means they’ve seen the patterns too. They’ve felt the atmosphere shift. They’ve watched the chaos unfold.
You weren’t imagining the manipulation. You weren’t overreacting. You weren’t “too sensitive.”
When outsiders quietly avoid someone, but you were forced to live with them, it messes with your sense of reality.
That’s why so many daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up thinking they’re the unstable one — because the madness was hidden behind closed doors.
Narcissistic Mothers Don’t Raise Daughters — They Manufacture Doubt
Here’s what daughters learn in homes like this:
- Your feelings don’t count unless they flatter her.
- Your success becomes “competition.”
- Your pain gets ignored, minimised, or used against you.
- Your boundaries get treated like betrayal.
- Your reality gets rewritten until you don’t trust your own memory.
Narcissistic mothers don’t parent. They perform. And you become the backstage crew, doing emotional work to keep the show running smoothly.
Your job wasn’t to be loved. It was to be useful.
The Worst Part? You Thought You Were Alone
You grew up thinking:
- “Maybe I’m the difficult one.”
- “Maybe she’s right about me.”
- “Maybe I deserve this treatment.”
Meanwhile, other people were quietly stepping away from her behaviour. You weren’t the only one who noticed. You were just the one trapped inside it.
You weren’t crazy. You were gaslit.
Here’s Your Permission Slip: Stop Questioning Yourself
This is the moment many daughters finally get clarity:
“Oh. It wasn’t me. It was the environment.”
That realisation is both heartbreaking and freeing. It lets you put down the guilt you were never meant to carry.
What You Need to Hear Today (Even If No One Ever Said It Before)
- You are allowed to stop trying.
You don’t need to earn love from someone who uses love like a weapon. - You are allowed to protect your peace.
“But she’s your mum” isn’t a free pass for emotional harm. - You are allowed to make distance.
Distance isn’t cruelty. Distance is safety. - You are allowed to trust your memory.
Your experiences are real. Your body remembers even when she denies it. - You are allowed to heal.
You don’t owe her your sanity. You owe yourself your life.
If No One Has Said This To You, Let Me Say It Loudly
You deserved a mother who protected you — not one you had to protect yourself from.
You deserved support — not sabotage.
You deserved warmth — not manipulation.
And you deserve peace now.
Not a life built around her moods, her stories, or her emotional gravity.
You get to build a life where your nervous system feels safe, your boundaries are respected, and your voice belongs to you.
Where This Leaves You
If you’re reading this and feeling that sharp recognition in your chest — I see you.
The confusion wasn’t your personality. The self-doubt wasn’t your “fault.” It was a survival response to a toxic dynamic.
Now you get to do something different:
- choose peace over performance,
- truth over denial,
- self-trust over constant second-guessing.
That’s not disloyalty. That’s healing.
Comments
Post a Comment