Narcissists Can’t Laugh: Honestly, They Really Can’t (It’s All Fake and Forced)

By Vikki • Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Series

Have you ever noticed how your narcissistic mother never really laughs? Not the ugly, snorty, can’t-breathe kind of laugh. Not the “this is so silly and I love being alive” laugh.

At best, she does a tight, controlled smile. A weird fake laugh that doesn’t reach her eyes. Or she laughs when someone else is being humiliated, but not when something is genuinely funny.

Here’s the truth no one tells daughters of narcissistic mothers: narcissists can’t stand real joy — and their laughter is usually fake, forced, and strategic.

And once you see this clearly, you’ll stop wondering why you could never fully relax or be silly around her. You’ll understand why she hated your joy — and you’ll learn how to take it back.

Why Narcissists Can’t Laugh for Real

Let’s be clear: narcissists can make laughing noises. They can perform humour. They can act like they’re amused.

But real laughter? The kind that comes from softness, safety, and genuine connection? That requires vulnerability — and narcissists are allergic to vulnerability.

1. Real laughter requires letting go

You have to let your guard down to laugh properly. Narcissists are constantly managing their image and scanning for threats. They don’t switch off.

2. Real joy isn’t about control

Laughter is messy, spontaneous, chaotic. Narcissists crave control. Your joy is something they can’t micromanage, so they shut it down.

3. They don’t know how to be present

Real laughter happens when you’re actually in the moment. Narcissists live in a constant mental spreadsheet: Who’s watching? Who’s winning? Who’s getting more attention than me?

      So yes, narcissists “laugh” — but it’s rarely joy.  
      It’s performance, cruelty, or control. Never simple happiness.
    

Fake, Forced, Strategic Laughter: How It Shows Up

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you probably felt this dynamic long before you had words for it.

1. The “I’m being watched” laugh

Around other people, your mother might switch on this weird, dramatic laugh to seem fun and likeable. But the second you’re home? Stone-faced. Critical. Silent.

2. Laughing at, not with

Narcissists genuinely enjoy watching people embarrassed, uncomfortable, or in pain. That’s when the laughter comes easily — because it makes them feel powerful and superior.

3. The mocking laugh

You share a dream. You say something vulnerable. You get excited about your life. And she laughs — not because it’s funny, but because she wants you to feel small.

4. The “you’re ridiculous” laugh

Any time you express a boundary, an opinion, or a feeling, out comes that dismissive little laugh. It’s a control tactic disguised as humour.

      If you walked away from interactions with your mother feeling stupid, childish, or overdramatic,  
      her “laughter” was a weapon, not a bonding moment.
    

Why Your Joy Threatens a Narcissistic Mother

As a daughter, you weren’t just her child. In her mind, you were:

her emotional support animal
her ego accessory
her competition
her proof she was a “good mum”

So when you laughed too loudly, felt too happy, or were just genuinely living… it exposed things she didn’t want to see.

1. Your happiness highlighted her emptiness

Your real joy reminded her of what she didn’t have inside herself. Instead of healing that, she tried to crush yours.

2. Joy makes you harder to control

A daughter who feels alive, hopeful, and confident is more likely to:

say no
challenge her
leave
do amazing shit she can’t take credit for

3. Joy makes you visible

Narcissistic mothers want the spotlight. If people love your energy, your humour, your light — she feels overshadowed. So she trains you to dim.

4. Your laughter proves you can be happy without her

That’s the worst crime of all in a narcissist’s world: You being okay without them.

How Growing Up With a Joy-Killing Mother Shaped You

As a daughter of a narcissistic mother, your relationship with joy is probably… complicated.

1. You apologise for being happy

You feel guilty when things are going well, like you’re not allowed to enjoy it.

2. You downplay your wins

You mutter “oh it’s nothing” when actually it’s huge — because you’re used to your celebrations being shut down.

3. You’re scared of being “too much”

Too loud, too playful, too expressive. You learned that your natural joy “causes problems.”

4. You struggle to relax around people

Being silly, laughing uncontrollably, dancing, being weird — it all feels dangerous instead of safe.

5. You sometimes sabotage your own happiness

Deep down, you were trained to expect punishment after joy. So your nervous system doesn’t fully trust good things.

      None of this is your fault.  
      You were taught that joy wasn’t safe — especially around the person who was supposed to make you feel most safe.
    

How to Reclaim Your Laughter (Even If It Feels Weird)

Here’s the good news: your joy is not dead. It’s just been hiding.

1. Start with private joy

Watch something that makes you genuinely laugh when you’re alone. Stupid memes. Stand-up. Clips that make no sense. Let yourself laugh without worrying how it looks.

2. Notice where you suppress laughter

Do you shut down your smile in front of certain people? Do you make your tone flat around “serious” family members? That’s your nervous system still trying to avoid your mother’s reaction.

3. Allow yourself to be “too much” on purpose

Laugh too loudly at something. Snort. Cry-laugh. Say out loud: “I’m allowed to enjoy this.”

4. Surround yourself with people who laugh easily

Healing is so much easier when you’re around people who:

don’t make fun of your joy
laugh with you, not at you
celebrate your weirdness instead of shaming it

5. Stop performing, start enjoying

You don’t have to be funny for others. You don’t have to entertain like your mother did. Focus on what makes you genuinely laugh — even if nobody else gets it.

Fun “F-You” Homework: Joy As Rebellion

If your narcissistic mother was a joy killer, then your happiness now is pure rebellion — in the best way.

      Here’s your homework, daughter of a narcissistic mother:
      Do one thing this week that makes you laugh so hard you snort.
Tell absolutely no one who would ruin it.
Afterwards, whisper to yourself:  
          “You didn’t kill my joy. You just delayed it. I’m laughing now.”
        

    

Your Joy Is Not Negotiable Anymore

Narcissists can’t laugh for real because they’re too busy performing, controlling, and competing. That’s their prison — not yours.

You are allowed to be loud, bright, ridiculous, playful, and happy — without shrinking for anyone, especially not for a mother who never learned how to be human with you.

Want more healing for daughters of narcissistic mothers? Browse the rest of the Daughters series →

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