🔥 The Impractical Guide to Quit Quitting Alcohol

(Because We’ve All Said “Never Again”… Again)

If you’ve ever woken up hugging a Fire Stick remote like it’s your emotional support animal, wondering if you texted your ex, ordered 42 candles off Amazon, or joined a cult called “Wine Moms of Britain,” this post is for you.

Welcome to the impractical guide to quit quitting alcohol — because let’s face it, you’ve already quit quitting three times this year and you’re starting to suspect “Dry January” was created by people with no kids, no trauma, and no idea what real life looks like.

Step 1: Stop Quitting Drunk

You know the drill.

Three glasses in, feeling deep, you declare:

“That’s it, I’m never drinking again.”

Then you wake up, head pounding, mouth like a bin, and think, “Actually, one little prosecco won’t hurt.”

And so the merry-go-round spins.

Here’s the trick: don’t quit drunk. Quit sober.

It’s like signing a peace treaty with your liver while you’re still capable of reading it.

Step 2: Admit Alcohol’s Been Catfishing You

Alcohol promised you confidence, fun, and inner peace.

What it actually gave you was anxiety, sweat, and emotional hangovers that last longer than relationships.

It’s basically that dodgy ex who texts “You up?” at 11pm and you keep answering because you forget how bad it was last time.

Spoiler: it’s always bad.

Step 3: Make a Plan That’s Actually Doable (And Not Stupid)

Forget “I’ll just drink at weddings.”

That’s how it starts. Next thing you know, you’re celebrating your cat’s half-birthday with a bottle of rosé.

Instead:

• Decide why you’re done. (“Because I’m tired of feeling like roadkill” is a valid reason.)
• Keep a backup plan for bad days: tea, chocolate, Netflix, rage-cleaning, walking, screaming into a pillow — whatever works.
• Get rid of the booze at home. (Yes, even that dusty bottle you “keep for guests.” You are the guest.)

Step 4: Expect to Feel Weird

You’re not broken. You’re detoxing — physically, emotionally, spiritually.

You’ll cry, rage, and possibly decide to deep-clean your entire house at 3am.

That’s normal. That’s your brain rewiring.

You’re not going mad — you’re just finally waking up.

Step 5: Replace the Chaos with Better Chaos

You don’t have to become some beige, kale-eating, 5am-run kind of person (unless you want to — no judgment).

But you do need something to replace the “wine witch hour.”

So find a new obsession: painting, reading, lifting, dating weird men just for the stories (kidding — kind of).

You’re not losing your personality; you’re just firing the drunk version who kept ruining your weekends.

Step 6: Remember Why You Started

You didn’t quit because it was trendy.

You quit because you wanted your energy, your money, your peace, and your skin back.

You wanted to wake up alive, not half-dead and full of regret.

So when the craving hits, remind yourself:

“I don’t drink anymore — not because I can’t, but because I don’t bloody want to.”

Step 7: Read 

Sober Not Sorry

 (Yes, Shameless Plug)

If you liked this post, you’ll love my book, Sober Not Sorry by Vikki Fisk on Amazon — it’s the unfiltered, hilarious, slightly unhinged survival guide for anyone ready to stop feeling like a human hangover.

It’s not preachy. It’s not boring. It’s just me, telling the truth with a smirk and a cup of tea instead of a vodka.

Step 8: Quit Quitting and Actually Quit

You’ve tried quitting quitting.

You’ve tried “just one.”

You’ve tried pretending you can moderate (you can’t, and that’s okay).

Now try not drinking — properly. For real. No drama. No martyrdom. Just quiet power.

Because when you stop numbing yourself, that’s when life starts getting really, really good.

🔥 Final Thought:

Quitting drinking isn’t about missing out — it’s about finally showing up.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “Maybe I should…” — congratulations, you already started.