How Narcissistic Mothers Turn Their Daughters Into Their Therapist (And Why I Told My Mother to Fuck Off)
How Narcissistic Mothers Turn Their Daughters Into Their Therapist (And Why I Told My Mother to Fuck Off)
By Vikki • For daughters who grew up being the emotional adult
If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you weren’t the daughter—you were the therapist, the counsellor, the crisis manager, the emotional sponge, and the unpaid 24/7 support service she felt entitled to.
You learned to comfort her instead of being comforted. You learned to fix her instead of being protected. You learned to shrink yourself so she could feel big.
And one day—maybe recently, maybe years ago—you finally realised:
This post is for the women who grew up parenting their own mothers… and finally decided to stop.
Why Narcissistic Mothers Turn Their Daughters Into Their Therapist
1. They need constant emotional regulation
Narcissistic mothers live in emotional chaos. Their daughter becomes the stabiliser, the calmer, the listener.
2. They don’t have emotional boundaries
They dump their pain, trauma, men problems, loneliness, fears—everything—onto a child.
3. They want control disguised as “closeness”
The more you know about her emotional world, the easier you are to manipulate.
4. They crave admiration and sympathy
You were trained to feel sorry for her, even when she caused the pain.
Signs You Were Turned Into Your Mother’s Therapist
- You knew all her secrets but she knew none of yours
- You comforted her after arguments she caused
- You were her “best friend,” “rock,” or “only one who understands me”
- You handled her meltdowns, sadness, loneliness, and anger
- You felt responsible for her happiness
- She confided in you about men, sex, money, drama, or emotional wounds
- You had no space to have your own feelings
- You became the fixer, peacekeeper, and emotional carer
How This Shapes Your Adult Life
1. You attract people who need fixing
Your normal meter was broken. Chaos felt familiar.
2. You struggle to ask for help
You were trained to be the strong one—and never need anything.
3. You over-explain and over-apologise
Because your mother punished your emotions.
4. You suppress your needs
You learned early: needs = danger.
5. You feel guilty when you prioritise yourself
You were raised to believe self-care is betrayal.
Why the Anger Hits Later
When you’re a child, you survive. When you’re an adult, you finally understand what happened.
The anger isn’t bitterness. It’s clarity.
The Moment You Finally Tell Her to Fuck Off
Maybe it wasn’t literal. Maybe it was silence, boundaries, or disappearing.
But the meaning was the same:
And that moment? That’s the beginning of your real life.
How to Heal and Reclaim Your Power
1. Stop fixing people
This is the hardest pattern to break—but the most freeing.
2. Learn to express your needs
Your feelings matter. Your needs matter. You matter.
3. Build relationships based on mutual support
No more one-sided emotional care-giving.
4. Work on releasing guilt
Guilt was her favourite weapon. You’re allowed to choose yourself.
5. Rewrite what “motherhood” means
It’s not her version. It’s the one you create for your own healing and your daughter’s future.
Your Next Step
You were never meant to be her therapist. You were meant to be her daughter. Now you get to heal the parts of you she never nurtured — and become the woman she never wanted you to be.
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